"Biker’s Rules of the Road"
(Tongue In Cheek)

• RESPECT THE PERSON WHO HAS SEEN THE DARK SIDE OF MOTORCYCLING AND LIVED.
• Saddlebags can never hold everything you want, but they can hold everything you need.
• Wear heavy boots. You can't kick things when you're wearin' sneakers.
• Never argue with a woman holding a torque wrench.
• Routine maintenance should never be neglected.
• It takes more love to share the saddle than it does to share the bed.
• The only good view of a thunderstorm is in your rearview mirror.
• Never be afraid to slow down.
• Only bikers understand why dogs love to stick their heads out car windows.
• Bikes don't leak oil, they mark their territory.
• Never ask a biker for directions if you're in a hurry to get there.
• If it takes more than 3 bolts to hold it on, it's probably crucial.
• Remember that you will be judged by the horse you ride on.
• Don't ride so late into the night that you sleep through the sunrise.
• Pie and coffee are as important as gasoline.
• The number of kicks it takes to start your bike is directly proportional to the number of spectators.
• Never ask your bike to scream before her throat is good and warm.
• Sometimes it takes a whole tank full of gas before you can think straight.
• WHEN STOPPED, SAY: "JUST PASSING THROUGH!"
• If you want to get a job, you may have to compromise your principals. You may even have to shave.
• Riding faster than everyone else only guarantees you'll ride alone.
• Never hesitate to ride past the last street light at the edge of town.
• Never mistake horsepower for staying power.
• A good rider has balance, judgment, and good timing. So does a good lover.
• A cold hamburger can be reheated quite nicely by strapping it to an exhaust pipe and riding forty miles.
• Never do less then forty miles before breakfast.
• If you don't ride in the rain, you don't ride.
• A bike on the road is worth 2 in the shop.
• When you look down the road, it seems to never end but you better believe it does.
• Young riders pick a destination and go; Old riders pick a direction and go.
• Overconfidence can be supplied by spare spark plugs, a set of wrenches, and a roll of toilet paper.
• ADVICE IS FREE AND WORTH EVERY PENNY!
• Sometimes the fastest way to get there is to stop for the night.
• Always back your scoot into the curb-and sit where you can see it.
• Work to ride; Ride to work.
• Whatever it is, it's better in the wind.
• Two lane blacktop isn't a highway - its an attitude.
• Good coffee should be indistinguishable from 50 weight motor oil.
• A biker can smell a party 5,000 miles away.
• Keep your bike in good repair.
• Motorcycle boots are NOT comfortable for walking.
• People are like motorcycles: each is customized a bit differently.
• More races were won in the tavern than on the track.
• Never loan your bike to someone else, and never ride another's.
• If the bike isn't braking properly, you don't start by rebuilding the engine.
• Remember to pay as much attention to your partner as you do your carburetor.
• Sometimes the best communication happens when you're on separate bikes.
• WELL-TRAINED REFLEXES ARE QUICKER THAN LUCK!
• The best alarm clock is sunshine on chrome.
• Learn to do counterintuitive things that may someday save your butt.
• Beware the biker whose ink peels off.
• If you really want to know what's going on, watch what's happening at least 5 cars ahead.
• Don't make a reputation you'll have to live down or run away from later.
• Smoke and grease can hide a multitude of errors, but only for so long.
• A friend is someone who'll get out of bed at 2am to drive his pickup to the middle of nowhere to get you when you're broken down.
• If she changes her oil more than she changes her mind, follow her.
• The thicker your oil, the hotter you can take it.
• Catchin' a June bug @ 70 mph can double your vocabulary.
• If you want to get somewhere before sundown, you can't stop at every tavern.
• Hunger can make even road kill taste good.
• YOU GOTTA TO BE SMART ENOUGH TO UNDERSTAND THE RULES OF MOTORCYCLING, AND DUMB ENOUGH TO THINK THE GAME'S IMPORTANT.

Author: Unknown
Submitted 11 Mar 05 by: John Coleman, Davisburg, Michigan